Mr. PATH seems to think all of the newly elected Democrats with science backgrounds are bumbling fools who can’t tell a beaker from a test tube.
Let’s see what kind of mental neanderthals got elected, shall we?
Jeff Van Drew
This one might be a bit controversial. Jeff is a doctor of dentistry. Which is technically an applied science, but some might argue that is not in the spirit of the original tweet. Though a dentist must have the ability to understand medical research, diagnose certain medical conditions, and has a better than average understanding of human biology.
That said, he is apparently a pretty damn good dentist as he is president of the New Jersey Dental Society and a board expert of the New Jersey Board of Dentistry.
Lauren Underwood
Lauren is a registered nurse. I bet you’re imagining some woman in scrubs taking people’s temperature and bringing them Jello. Not very impressive, right?
Lauren earned her Bachelor of Science in Nursing from the University of Michigan. She received her Master of Science in Nursing and Master of Public Health from Johns Hopkins University.
That’s two masters degrees, friend.
From Johns Frickin’ Hopkins.
Lauren went on to be the Senior Director of Strategy & Regulatory Affairs at Next Level Health. She also served as an adjunct instructor at the Georgetown University School of Nursing & Health Studies.
George Frickin’ Town.
In 2016, Obama appointed her as a Senior Advisor at the Department of Health and Human Services where she helped shape national health policy.
So yeah… just a nurse.
Jacky Rosen
Jacky is a computer scientist. She is an accomplished programmer and software developer. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology (BONUS SCIENCE!) and an associate degree in computing and information technology. She has worked with some of the biggest companies in Nevada including Summa Corporation, Citibank, and Southwest Gas Company.
She dabbles in other sciences in her spare time. Rosen led a team that constructed one of the largest solar projects in the City of Henderson and southern Nevada. Rosen helped cut a synagogue’s energy bills by 70%.
Kim Schrier
Kim is a pediatrician!
Now we’re talking. Things are getting real sciency now.
Dr. Schrier earned a bachelor’s degree from the University of California, Berkeley, in astrophysics. (MORE BONUS SCIENCE!)
She attended the University of California Davis School of Medicine, where she graduated a Doctor of Medicine. She completed her residency at the Stanford University School of Medicine.
Stan Frickin’ Ford.
Say Mr. PATH, do you think they accept shitty doctors into the residency program of one of the most prestigious medical programs in the country?
Asking for a friend.
Elaine Luria
Elaine was just a lowly nuclear engineer.
For the Navy.
Where she operated nuclear reactors on giant ships.
Like this one.
With reactors like this one.
That doesn’t look very complicated. Just shove uranium in the hole and press a button probably.
She eventually reached the rank of Commander where she led Assault Craft Unit TWO. A fleet of vessels specializing in getting to places super fast that are far away. They can be on the go within 24 hours.
I’m guessing that’s not a job that needs a competent commander or anything. The Navy probably just puts any rube in charge.
Sean Casten
Next up we have probably the dumbest science guy in the bunch. This guy seems like a real dud in a lab coat.
Casten earned a bachelor of arts in molecular biology and biochemistry from Middlebury College. He worked as a scientist at the Tufts University School of Medicine in a laboratory investigating dietary impacts on colon and breast cancer. He earned a Master of Engineering Management and a Master of Science in biochemical engineering from the Thayer School of Engineering at Dartmouth College.
Dart Frickin’ Mouth.
While at Dartmouth, he worked to develop technologies for alternative heat and power generation technologies including the production of fuel grade ethanol.
After he was done slacking earning only 3 degrees in bio-whatever, he went on to be the CEO of his own renewable energy company, Recycled Energy Development.
They have been able to invest over a billion dollars into alternative energy technologies that might help save the planet.
SOUNDS PRETTY DUMB.
Joe Cunningham
Joe graduated from Florida Atlantic University as an ocean engineer.
Florida Frickin’ Atlantic University.
Okay, I’ve never heard of that school.
But I’m sure the ocean engineering program is very nice.
After graduating he worked for 5 years as a consultant for a major company that specializes in marine, environmental, and coastal engineering.
Joe then went back to school to get his law degree. Which means he has a science background and a decent understanding of the laws he will be trying to change and improve.
Chrissy Houlahan
I bet this next one is a really sucky scientist.
This is where I prove you right, Mr. PATH. I can feel it. I mean, Chrissy? That doesn’t sound like the name of a competent scientist.
Chrissy got her Bachelor’s Degree in Engineering from Stanford University.
Meh… now that I think about it… Stanford is overrated.
She then earned a Masters Degree in Technology and Policy from something called the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology? What the heck is that?
Pssh, it’s not like she went to M.I.T. or something.
Now THAT would have been frickin’ impressive.
Chrissy also spent 3 years in something called the “U.S. Air Force.” She was a project manager in charge of air and space defense technologies.
That sounds fake.
Heh, maybe she’ll build lasers for some fictional space force with a stupid name only a 4-year-old would think is cool.
Chrissy also-also did voluntary community service working with girls and women in science, technology, engineering, and math.
What’s the point, amirite? That guy from Google said women’s brains no work good at math, so her volunteer work was probably a waste of time.
WHAT BUNCH OF MORONS.
You made fun of a liberal science journal called Fat Studies. You also implied that everyone on the left got together and collectively started it. Which… okay… sure… it was discussed at the meeting. We all contribute to and support Fat Studies. Every single one of us.
Yes, they did get duped into publishing a fake research paper and I’m sure that’s why you mentioned it. But their editorial board still has 18 people with PhDs. I read a few articles and while I wouldn’t say it is the most esteemed journal in the world, it does push forward conversations about fat acceptance and references some genuine research that has been peer reviewed. They basically want fat people to be more respected. HOW DARE THEY?
It’s definitely a mixed bag with a left-leaning bias. Perhaps it would be better if they took a more objective approach. But I can see how you might think they don’t live up to your strict scientific standards.
However, do you think the Republicans leadership is up to your standards?
Do you remember when Senator Jim Inhofe brought a snowball into the Senate chamber to disprove global warming?
Fat Studies has a very small readership and minimal influence. No one voted for them. They are an easy example for you to cherry pick and laugh at.
But Ol’ Jim here is a US Senator. He can change all of our lives. This guy brought a snowball inside and in front of the entire world said global warming can’t be real cuz it was cold that day.
Do you feel like that would hold up to scientific scrutiny?
Let’s look at some more Republicans!
Donald J. Trump
This one is too easy. But he did just say this…
“One of the problems that a lot of people like myself ― we have very high levels of intelligence, but we’re not necessarily such believers. You look at our air and our water, and it’s right now at a record clean. As to whether or not it’s man-made and whether or not the effects that you’re talking about are there, I don’t see it — not nearly like it is.”
I guess he didn’t read that 1700 page climate study just released that said the opposite of that. Also, 60 percent of Americans live in areas where air pollution has reached unhealthy levels that can make people sick. SO CLEAN!
Ben Carson
Not only is Ben a prominent Republican figure and the current Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, but he is also a neurosurgeon and Yale graduate. He has got to be the best representative of a more science-minded republican. Let’s find out!
“How are flowers able to reproduce? Pollination. How does pollination occur? Bees and other creatures. And according to evolution, plants came along before the bees. So, how did the plants reproduce?“
CHECKMATE, DARWIN!
He also believes the Earth was created in 6 days. Humans have only been around for 6,000 years. The Big Bang is stupid. The pyramids were built to store grain. And $31,000 is a reasonable amount to spend on a dining room set.
Steve King
Steve just got elected in the midterms. He’s the guy that partied with some white supremacists in Austria. He went to college and majored in math and science. Nice!
But he dropped out… less nice.
He still has some interesting thoughts on science.
“Climate change is more a religion than a science. Everything that might result from a warmer planet is always bad. There will be more photosynthesis going on if the Earth gets warmer. We don’t know where sea level is even, let alone be able to say that it’s going to come up an inch globally because some polar ice caps might melt because there’s CO2 suspended in the atmosphere.”
WHERE IS THE SEA LEVEL? WE JUST DON’T KNOW.
It’s not like we have satellites that have been able to measure the sea level with unprecedented accuracy (within millimeters) since 1992.
Let’s look at some members of the House Science Committee.
That might be a fairer comparison, right? It’s got “science” right in the name!
Paul Broun
He was probably the only Republican STEM scientist in Congress before he retired. He is a physician who earned a bachelor’s in chemistry.
Let’s hear him do a science.
“God’s word is true. I’ve come to understand that. All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell.”
Yikes.
Frank Lucas
“Sound science must be the cornerstone of sound policy.”
Hey! That sounds promising!
“Most telling of the EPA’s irrational regulatory approach is how the EPA has concluded that the breath that we exhale, the gas that livestock expels, are dangerous pollutants and should be regulated by the Clean Air Act.“
Yeah! How could CO2 and methane possibly be problematic? It’s perfectly natural! We breathe it. Cows blow it out their pooper. So safe.
What we really need to regulate is Dihydrogen Monoxide. Everyone who has ever ingested DHMO has died. Technically.
Dana Rohrabacher
He chaired the House Science Committee for a while and is still an active member. I’m sure he has some deep thoughts on scientific matters.
“We don’t know what those other cycles were caused by in the past. Could be dinosaur flatulence, you know, or who knows?”
I wonder if he has published that hypothesis in a scientific journal.
This isn’t going well.
What we really need is a science enthusiast. Someone who has shown a true fascination and interest in things like space, rocketry, and defense technology.
Someone like that would totally be a fair comparison.
Mo Brooks
Mo just got reelected and he is constantly talking about what a strong advocate he is for science.
Let’s check him out!
Mo Brooks is a longtime member of several scientific committees.
Committee on Science, Space & Technology Subcommittee on Energy Vice Chairman – Subcommittee on Space and Aeronautics (aka NASA)
Wow! He’s partly responsible for a lot of our nation’s science junk. PERFECT!
One of Mo’s favorite pastimes is going someplace sciency, wearing a lab coat, and smiling at stuff he doesn’t understand.
“Hey fellas! Can I press some buttons? I love pressing the buttons.”
“Is this a science? Mo don’t know.”
“I bet this makes some tasty kettle corn.”
“He let me push the button! SO HAPPY!”
Since Mo is on the committee that helps direct NASA and its funding, you’d think he’d be up to speed on the latest climate science. After all, NASA is one of the world’s leading climate science researchers.
Here’s a hot take from Mo…
“Nobody knows whether we’re going to have global cooling or global warming over the next half century or century.”
Actually, NASA has an entire website called “How do we know?”
It’s got colorful graphs like this one.
It even has this giant quote in big bold letters that Mo could see even without his reading spectacles.
I feel like Chairman Mo should put on his lab coat and read that website. I’m sure his grandkids can pull that up for him.
What else you got, Mo?
“What about erosion? Every time you have that soil or rock, whatever it is, that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise because now you’ve got less space in those oceans because the bottom is moving up.”
You read that correctly… Mo thinks rocks falling into the ocean are causing the sea levels to rise instead of ice melting from global warming.
Would you like to know just how dumb that statement is?
3,000,000,000,000,000 kilograms of rocks would need to fall into the ocean every year. The Cliffs of Dover dumped an estimated 45,000,000 kilograms of chalk into the sea after a sudden collapse. Avalanches like that would have to happen 66 million times every year.
What’chu talkin’ ‘bout Mo?
You may think I cherry-picked these people to make Republicans look worse. I actually could not find anyone in the leadership with a decent science literacy track record. And many of these people are in charge of our nation’s science policy. (Unlike Fat Studies.) So that is especially relevant.
I guess what I’m saying is… I’d take a mediocre Democrat scientist over Mo anytime.
But it seems like the ones just elected are actually pretty exceptional.
Even the dentist.
………..this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever read in my fucking life on this hellsite.
i really fucking love facts and blatant, unapologetic sarcasm mixed together. i love this
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