Because when someone doesn’t want to date me because I’m poly it’s ‘understandable’ but when I don’t want to date someone because they are monogamous it’s ‘ridiculous.’
Because all relationship advice tells you that if you have feelings for someone else while you’re in a relationship you’re a bad person.
Because even feminists try to slut shame me.
Because when I tell people me and my partner have an open relationship they assume it’s because we’re going through a rough patch.
Because people equate ‘multiple partners’ with ‘predator’ and think everything I say is an attempt to get in their pants.
Because I am fed up of love triangles as easy plot devices in my media.
Because the LGBTQA+ movement are so desperate to show ‘allies’ they are ‘just like everyone else’ that they shit on everyone with a non-monogamous dynamic.
Because being bisexual shouldn’t mean that I have to choose which gender I want to spend my forever with… Or exclude me from a happy forever.
Because when a monogamous couple have sex with each other every night it’s having an active sex drive. When I have sex with a different partner every night I’m a nymphomaniac.
Because people assume polyamory is just about multiple sex partners instead of multiple *loving & committed* relationships and instead conflate polyamory with swinging when they’re totally different lifestyles.
Because people think that monogamy = validity, always.
Because monogamous hetronormativity is so ingrained that I don’t even feel like I can dance with someone without telling them the complete logistics of my love life.
Because people genuinely believe that raising a child communally is damaging to development.
Because when I say ‘I could never be monogamous’ I get dirty looks.
Because too many people have tried to confide in me when they’re cheating because ‘I thought you, of all people, would understand.’
Because I can’t talk about my relationship troubles with my monogamous friends because ‘I always have something to fall back on.’ As if my relationships are meaningless.
Because being Polyamorous isn’t an “alternative lifestyle”, it is just how I choose to live *My* life, so I can be happy.
Because being Polyamorous does not mean I’m afraid of commitment. I am able to commit to many types of relationships. And love more than one person.
Because it is unfair to ask any one person to be your/their everything & it is a lot of pressure on me to try to be any one partner’s everything. It can take over being authentically themself if a person allows it to.
Because needing multiple or different kinds of energy/chemistry does not make me greedy or selfish.
Because actively encouraging myself to stretch out of today’s social constructs of “love” & experience true compersion has made me a better person. I also experience more open, honest communication & healthier, less codependent relationships than when I was living a monogamous lifestyle.
Because holding a partner while they cry over another partner is not wrong, or weird. It is an absolutely amazing expression of the love I have for them. I hurt with them/for their pain because I encourage their happiness & fulfilment as much as I do my own.
Because when I’m struggling with an illness, there is more that I need help with than one person can/should be responsible for. Each of my partners adds something vital that better helps me to thrive.
Because it shouldn’t be odd when my partners become friends. It’s healthy for them to be able to talk to each other about their ups and downs with me and have someone else who understands. It gives them more support to discuss how they have each become more self-aware, resilient and emotionally/mentally healthy because of our dynamic.
Because polyamory doesn’t have to be about sex. I have multiple non-romantic/sexual partners that are just as, if not more, important than my sexual/romantic ones.
Because I can love multiple partners & not have a “favorite”, in the same way a parent can love multiple children & not have a “favorite”.
Because my other partners beside my husband are important to me and I want to feel comfortable saying “my girlfriend made that” instead of “a friend made that”
Because I adore my husband, and he and his girlfriend are so damn good for each other.
Because I should get to express myself in my relationships the way that I choose that feels aligned and right for me and those involved
Because I will be ashamed only when & if I’ve done something legitimately wrong.
Feel free to add more “becauses” to reflect your CNM
Insta: @thebuddhadoula & @passionatedemons if you’d like to see more representation🙏🏼💕
Not mine, just fell in love with it and wanted to share! Credit to Ellyn Reid-Doula
Why do I want polyamorous representation?
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Tayla's photography 